My liver just broke up with me...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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