She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
