Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
