don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
