you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
