sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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