I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
