when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
