the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
