My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
