the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
