I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
