I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
