her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
