My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
