And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
