i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
