No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
