i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
