You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
