I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
