I wannas sexs uuuuu
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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