Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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