It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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