I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
