And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
