If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
