I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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