she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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