Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
