I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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