I am puke
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
