This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
