and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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