This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
