I wish I could punch you in the face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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