OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
