is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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