I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
