Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
