i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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