my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
