just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
