so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
