I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
