I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
