I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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