we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm at about main and main street
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
