I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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