you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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