Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
