Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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