he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
