i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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