4 words: hood of his car
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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