We won't sleep together?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You made out with two different species that night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
