Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
