There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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