How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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