I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
