You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
