Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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