I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
