billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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