Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
