It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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