i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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