I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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