Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am naked and annoyed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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