ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
