Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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