I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
