..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
