you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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