I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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