She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
