OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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